Osama bin Laden's To-Do List


Shave, change gender, bleach hair blond,
change name to "Desiree" and move to Paris to
pursue my dream of being  a dancer!

Unplug flashing neon "Osama's Place!" sign.

Redeem gift certificate for Honey Baked Ham
before it expires.

Order another gross of Change of Address
cards.

Delete Pakistani prime minister from my AOL
Buddy List.

Trim beard down to sassy goatee to look
more "dangerous."

Quit smoking opium.  Man, the crazy stuff I
do when I smoke opium!

Order some gingham curtains from Pottery
Barn to brighten up the cave.

Stop by Toys 'R' Us and pick up some more
friggin' Pokemon  crap for the kids.

Complete metamorphosis into adult housefly.

Have Cosmo subscription forwarded to Hindu
Kush bunker.

11:30 Eat Fruit Rollups while watching
"Friends" via bunker
satellite.

Call Century 21.  List the cave.  Stat!

Pitch "Who Wants to Marry The World's #1
Most Wanted Man" concept to FOX.

Devise plan to get in the pants of that
capitalist dog, Britney Spears.