A  WOMAN'S RANDOM THOUGHTS
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what
you're doing, someone else does.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your
body and your fat are really good friends.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and
set my pantyhose on fire.

Amazing!  You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two
sizes!

They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies.  Mine isn't all that
communicative.  I did hear from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd
you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell
my body said "Listen witch ... do it and die."

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and
then they marry him).

I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too
much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast.  Are they
kidding?  That is my idea of a perfect day.

I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30
can fit into their stuff.