An old geezer in an old people's home takes a fancy to a woman 
who is also staying there.  One day he plucks up the courage 
to go and talk to her and after a while he says he would like 
to make love to her.  She agrees that when everybody else goes 
on a day trip they both stay behind at the home and get 
down to it.
 
The old man goes to the woman's room and asks her how she likes 
to be made love to.  She tells him that she loves a man to go 
down on her and asks him if he would mind.  He says he would 
love to do that for her and goes for it.
 
After about 30 secs he comes back up and says that he is sorry 
but it just smells too bad down there.  She thinks for a minute 
and tells him that it must be the arthritis.  He looks and her 
confused and states that surely you can't get arthritis down 
there and even if you could it wouldn't cause that smell.
 
She says "No it's the arthritis in my shoulder, I can't wipe 
my ass properly!"
 
===============================================================================
 
A girl came home from a date. 
 
Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in 
the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair.
 
"Sally, " she said, "you didn't tell me you were going to a wedding."
 
"I didn't, Mom," Sally replied.  "I was giving a blowjob to a 
Chinese guy and he puked on me!"