In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he
"comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.

A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went
to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt.
He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make
me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like
ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets
a might drafty up dem tings!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad
when the order was completed. A few days later the tailor called
the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching
underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might
want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made
of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his
room, and donned his kilt.

In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to
show off his new purchase. Unfortunately, in his excitement, he
forgot to don his underwear. When his girlfriend answered the door,
he pointed to his kilt and said, "Well, what'd ye think?"

"Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed.

"Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he
stated as he lifted his kilt to show her.

"Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.

Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on, he
exclaimed quite proudly, "Aye, and if ye like it, I've got five
more yards of it at home!"

* ~*~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ * ~* ~*~ *

Two drunks on a London underground train.
The train stops at a station.
"Ish thish Wembley?" says one.
"No it'sh Thurshdy." says the other.
"Sho am I.  Let'sh get off and find a pub."

* ~*~ *~ *~ *~ *~ *~ * ~* ~*~ *

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking
at a prize cow in a field. The Englishman says "Look at that fine
English cow."
The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."
The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument.
"No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath."