A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells
size extra large condoms.

He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"

She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone
does?

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HAND JOB

On their third night after the wedding, the two blissful  newlyweds
shut off the lights and crawl under the  covers. Turning amorously
towards his bride, he  tenderly informs his wife that tonight he wants
a hand  job instead of the usual stuff. She, being the proper  girl
that she is, had absolutely no idea what a  "hand job" was. So, she
gets out of bed, puts on her  robe and heads for the phone to call her
mom.  Mom," she says, "My new hubby wants a hand job  and I don't know
what he means."

"Oh, Honey," says her mother, "that's real simple.  Just grab his
thing and shake it like you were trying  to get ketchup out of a
bottle."

Gee, Mom,  that's easy enough," she replies. So  she hangs up the
phone, removes her robe and  crawls back into the sack. She snuggles
up to her  lover, grabs his thing firmly with one hand and starts
beating the end with the other.