Things You Do NOT Want to Hear in Surgery:

"Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

"Somebody call the janitor - we're going to need a mop."

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness!"

"Sparky! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

"Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's THIS?"

"Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ..... 'thingy'."

"Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived a full hypo of THIS stuff
 before?"

"Could you stop that thing from beating? -- It's throwing my
 concentration off."

"What's THIS doing here?"

"I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."

"I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses."

"Sterile, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right?"

"This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?"

"Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?"

"Don't worry. I think this is sharp enough."

"Well NOW is one helluva time to tell me that VISA has 'declined' 
 the charges for this!"

"Gawd, I can't BELIEVE I've gone 3 hours now, without a
 cigarette,without my hands shaking like they usually do."

"Folks, I gotta tell you that I'm not REALLY a surgeon, but I *DID*
stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

"Not bad for a guy who finished at the BOTTOM of his graduating
 class, right?"